At 47, Thomas Sommer sensed it was time to change the way he worked. He had held multiple, challenging roles at Credit Suisse, but after 20 years at the firm, he felt exhausted, fenced in and rudderle...
At 47, Thomas Sommer sensed it was time to change the way he worked. He had held multiple, challenging roles at Credit Suisse, but after 20 years at the firm, he felt exhausted, fenced in and rudderless.
Thomas Sommer，今年47岁，认为是时候改变一下工作的方式了。他试了多次，在瑞士信贷也有一份有挑战的工作，但在这公司工作了20年，他已经觉得很疲倦、圈子狭小、茫然。
AWMK99 Man touching eyebrow, focus on multiple reflections in mirrors
Sommer felt he couldn’t make a difference anymore. “The values at Credit Suisse no longer matched my own values. My heart said change something. You aren’t able to have an impact in your work,” he said. “But my head didn’t want to hear that.”
Sommer认定自己已无力改变。“在瑞士信贷已经不能满足我自己的价值，我的内心告诉自己要做出改变，在工作中你已发挥不了影响力，但我的理智告诉我不要听从内心。”
E45RE9 Head portrait of young Spectacled caiman (Caiman crocodilus) partially submerged in water, with reflection, Santa Rita, Costa Rica
Despite those nagging feelings, Sommer continued in the job for three more years. His 14-hour workdays, including a long commute via train to Zurich, Switzerland, from his home in Germany, meant he was too busy for deep self- reflection. Then, right before the most important meeting of the year in 2012, Sommer blacked-out, sweating and panicked. He burned out: Sommer didn’t return to work for nine months.
尽管感到不安，Sommer又工作了3年。工作时间的14小时内，包含了火车往返从他在德国的家到瑞士Zurich之间，这意味着他太忙，无法做深入的自我反思。直到那次2012年最重要的会议之前，他晕倒了，浑身冒汗，受到惊吓，他已疲劳耗尽，后面的9个月都无法回到工作岗位。
EHMAN5 Caucasian woman examining indoor rock wall
Why had Sommer failed to make the changes he knew he needed to? It was a case of self sabotage, he says with hindsight.”I kept telling myself that no other employer would want me at 50, I hadn’t gone to many professional development courses lately and, anyway, I had a family to support,” he said. “In the end, my body made the choice for me. It said, ‘I’m taking you out of the game.'”
为什么Sommer明知道需要做出改变但还是放弃了？这是一种自我破坏，事后他说：“我一直告诉自己，没有一个雇主会要50岁的我，我已经很久不参加专业提升课程，而且我还要养家，最后，我的身体做出了选择，它告诉我，我要让你从这个游戏出局。”
B9E75N A man sculpture on a tree cuts the branch on which he is standing
Sommer’s not alone. According to experts, self-sabotage can affect almost anyone, since it’s an expression of basic human self-doubt and may be a symptom of disengagement. A [Gallup poll]showed that 51% of employees in the US were “not engaged” in their work in 2014, and 17.5% were “actively disengaged”.
Sommer并不是个个案，专家认为，自我破坏也是人们初级的自我怀疑，也可能是离职的症状，几乎每个人都有。Gallup的调查显示，2014年美国有51%的员工并未投入低工作，17.5%离职了。
Gay Hendricks, the author of The Big Leap, a book about taking your life to the next level, says self-sabotaging behaviour is a response to hitting your upper limit, whether that’s your upper limit of career success, creative expression or even relationship harmony.
The big leap一书谈的是引领人们走到下一个阶段，作者Gay Hendricks认为，自我破坏是天花板现象的一种反应，可能是你职业发展的、创意的甚至是人际关系的上限。
He identifies four fears behind a subconscious unwillingness to enjoy the “positive energy” you’ve created for yourself: feeling fundamentally flawed, worrying that you might be disloyal to your roots or past if you attain your goal, believing that more success brings a bigger burden, and fearing that you’ll outshine others.
他指出，下意识地排斥自己带来的正能量，有四种害怕：认为根本上就有缺陷，担心当你达到目的时下属或者过去会背叛你，认为越多的成功就意味着越重的压力，害怕你的光芒盖住了别人。
“As you begin to open up to what your unique abilities are — your inner genius — you begin to try on a bigger version of yourself. When you do that, you bump up into what I call the upper limit problem because it awakens fears in you,” Hendricks said.
“当你打开自己最独特的能力，发自你内心的，你就开始打开自己更大的格局，当你遇到我所说的上限问题时，是因为它唤醒了你内心的害怕。”
He added, “Everybody knows how to be a loser because we all learned to walk and have fallen on our bottoms many times. But very few of us can really know what success feels like until we step into it and then stabilise there for a while without sabotaging ourselves.”
“每个人都知道如何做一个失败者，因为当我们蹒跚学步时，我们都跌过很多次。但很少人真的感受到成功，直到我们没有让自己消沉，真的迈入成功并使其稳定了一段时间。”
认清症状
If you want to stop shooting yourself in the foot, first learn to recognise self-sabotage in yourself and others.
如果你不想搬起石头砸自己的脚，首先学会认清自己和别人的自我破坏。
It could be as simple as negative thoughts, or small actions like overeating right before an important presentation. Instead of sending blood to your brain, you send it to your stomach because you are nervous, worried or subconsciously want to prove to yourself that you’re not, in fact, good at public speaking, say those who have studied the problem.
一些研究这个问题的人认为，这就像是负面思想，就像在重要的发言之前暴饮暴食。不是让更多的血液流向你的大脑，而是送到了胃，因为你紧张，忧虑或者下意识地想要向自己证明你不是紧张，而是非常擅长当众演讲。
Fundamentally, you may see yourself as somehow inadequate or incompetent, and a mediocre presentation is just the evidence you were looking for to prove it yourself.
你会认为自己有些不足，缺乏能力，一个平庸的表现也会是你向自己证明的依据。
Self-sabotage can cross boundaries, too, for instance from the office to the home. Maybe you get promoted, but you go home the same night and start a fight with your partner, thereby making strides in one area but taking a step back in another. Hendricks says the basic problem is hitting the upper limit of how much positive feeling you can handle. He wrote, “Having a willingness to feel good and have life go well all the time is a genuinely radical act.”
自我破坏，也会跨界，比如从工作到家里。也许你得以提升了，但晚上回到家时你会伴侣大吵一架，也会在一个领域大步向前而在另一个方面却会后退。Hendricks认为这是因为你已触到你能掌控的正能量的顶端。他认为：“总是希望能感受美好，希望生活能更好，这真的是一种偏激的行为。”
不断地抬高杠杆
There’s more. Self-sabotage may come in the form of overcommitting yourself or habitually setting the bar higher, with the irony that your drive to reach the next level then stops you from ever reaching your ultimate goal.
还有更多。自我破坏可能会因为你向自己承诺太多，或者习惯性地把抬高杠杆，而具有讽刺意味的是，当你努力去达到下一个高度时却阻碍了你实现最终的目标。
Erwin Oberender, a consultant and coach who wrote a book about self-sabotage, describes this as “not being able to take your foot off the gas.”
Erwin Oberender，一位顾问也是一位教练，他写了一本书谈自我破坏的，在他看来自我破坏是无法把脚从油门踏板松开。
Oberender, who worked with Sommer, also helped a man in his mid 40s who was a manager for an automobile industry supplier. The client came to Oberender complaining of never feeling really satisfied, though he had achieved success by many measures. “He was never his own cheerleader. And as soon as he was close to achieving something, he had another goal on the horizon,” Oberender said. The man didn’t pause to enjoy the success he had just attained and immediately set another Herculean goal.
Oberender曾和Sommer工作过，也曾帮助过一个40多岁人，他在一家汽车工业供应公司任经理，找到Oberender抱怨从未真正的感到过满足，尽管从很多角度来说他已经获得成功了。“他从不为自己鼓舞喝彩，每当他快要实现目标时，他会很快就有了另一个目标。” Oberender认为他不会停下来享受自己努力得来的成功，而是很快地给自己定下另一个艰巨的目标。
Oberender uses a variety of [methods](https://www.spirit-of-energy.com/die- methode) to help people, including a combination of kinesiology, bioenergy, consciousness, and cognition. He also encourages people to [repeat key phrases to themselves], such as, “I’m allowed to be imperfect. I am allowed to withhold some of my energy and conserve it for other tasks.”
Oberender用很多方法去帮助人们，包括运动机能学、生物能源学、意识和认知的融合。他同样鼓励人们反复地提醒自己一些关键的话，比如，我是可以完美的，我可以掌握一些能力并将之用到其他任务上。
Eventually, Oberender’s client began to see and acknowledge his self-sabotage. “He found the brakes and decided consciously which projects would get gas or the brakes.”
最终，Oberender的咨询者们开始发现也懂得了他说的自我破坏，“他找到了自己的刹车，也会有意识地判断，什么项目需要脚踩油门什么需要踩刹车。”
向上并不是唯一的方向
Blocking yourself isn’t always self-sabotage, and up isn’t the only direction to move.
画地为牢并不总是自我消沉，同样，向上也并不是唯一的方向。
If a person believes he or she cannot rise to a challenge, it may be a healthy reaction based on an accurate self-assessment.
如果一个人意识到自己并不能胜任挑战，这其实是一个基于正确的自我认知而产生的健康的反应。
According to Ilse Schmidt-Zimmermann, a psychologist in Frankfurt, an act of self-sabotage may be an act of self-preservation that helps you avoid challenges that you are not prepared to meet. Or, you may actually be creating circumstances that support your true values, such as finding work-life balance or having time to volunteer, even if that means turning down the next management level.
Ilse Schmidt-Zimmermann，法兰克福的心理学家，认为自我破坏可能是一种自我保护，可以避开你并没有做好准备的挑战。或者，你可能在创造一种氛围足以支撑你真实的价值，比如说找到工作和生活的平衡，或者去做一个志愿者，甚至是调低下一个目标。
“People try to readjust to homeostasis,” said Schmidt-Zimmermann. And sometimes that’s not a bad thing.
“人们总是要调整自我的平衡”有时，这并不是一件坏事。
相信你自己
Preston Ni, the author of How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts and Emotions, defines self-sabotage as unrealistic negative thoughts that keep you from performing at your best.
如何赶走负面想法和情绪的作者，Preston Ni是这么界定自我消沉的，他认为不现实的负面想法会阻碍你做到最好。
For instance, a colleague declined a promotion for a job at a high-tech animation company in Silicon Valley because he didn’t think he was completely ready for the job. What should the colleague have done instead that would have given him the missing confidence?
比如，一个在硅谷的高科技动画公司的同事，谢绝了工作的晋升，因为他认为自己没有完全准备好。这个同事该做些什么，才能给到自己那消失的信心？
Ni recommends resetting your mindset through positive self-talk. “Change ‘I can’t,’ which is a self-defeating thought, into ‘I’m going to learn as I go.’ Or change ‘I’m not ready’ to ‘No one else applying for the job is completely ready either, so I’m going to go in there and do my best.'”
Ni建议通过积极的自我对话重新设置你的大脑，如，不要说我不能，这是一个打击自己的想法，而要说我要边学边做；不要说我还没准备好，而要说没有谁在求职的时候就完全做好准备了，我会进去尽自己最大的努力。
Another idea is to envision your goal on a spectrum, instead of always having to meet the ultimate goal. Ni said, “Look at success as a work in progress rather than yes or no, right or wrong. A work in progress is always positive, as long as you’re moving in the right direction.”
另一个建议是在一定的范围内重新想象你的目标，而不是总想着达成最终目标。Ni认为，把成功看做是一个进程，而不是取得成功了还是失败了，对了还是错了。不断地取得进展总是积极的，只要你是在一个正确的方向。
Sommer is now helping others move in the right direction. He is telling his story of how his “perfectionist” ideas and inability to admit weakness kept him going in a job he dreaded.
现在Sommer在以自己的亲身感受来帮助别人找到正确的方向，他告诉别人完美主义者的想法以及无法认清自己的不足是怎样逐步地让恐惧工作的。
Now he advises people through an outplacement service. “I am the coach and sparring partner for people who suddenly lose their jobs. I’m there when they are asking ‘Who am I? What can I do? And what do I want?'”
现在他在一家再就业咨询机构工作，“对于刚刚失业的人来说我是一个教练也是一个陪练，当他们问自己是谁，能做什么以及自己真的想要什么的时候，我都在那里。”
Perhaps these are the best questions to ask yourself when setting your sights on your next level.
当你开始考虑下一步时，这些也许是最好的问题。
（译者： 笨多多 原作者：Rhea Wessel 原文：BBC）